


For What You’re Unwilling to See

by Purgatorys Posession (PseudoAuthor)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Season/Series 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 17:20:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18595897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PseudoAuthor/pseuds/Purgatorys%20Posession
Summary: “He’ll turn on you.”It’s a fact. In Dean’s mind, it’s a fact.--In which the boys have a conversation about Jack.





	For What You’re Unwilling to See

**Author's Note:**

> Written two years ago when Jack had just come into the picture - I had fallen behind with SPN but saw a lot of people…not thrilled…at Dean (in regards to his response to Jack) - so I made up a little story. Seems to have some validity with what happened in recent episodes so I decided to post it as is instead of fleshing it out like I thought I might - plot bunnies, what can you do? :) Hope it’s okay - and please note it’s just one perspective on the situation. I ain’t character bashing anyone :)

He tries to picks his moment carefully, unwilling to provoke the proverbial bomb, catching Dean when he’s quiet, and exhausted.

“I don’t get it,” Dean says. There’s no malice in his words, yet his voice is rough and sandpapery. “They’re dead. You know that they’re-” he cuts himself off and frowns. “What you want to do with Jack is so…” And Sam waits until Dean can find the word. “Useless.”

“I disagree.”

Dean snorts. “Obviously.” And then: “You should stop.”

“I can’t.” Sam says. “Because I know what it’s like.”

“You aren’t him - you are the furthest thing away from him,” Dean manages to spit out.

It startles Sam. The misunderstanding doesn’t register quite yet. “I’m not. But, in the last few days, you’ve reminded me of how much I am like him.”

“Bullshit. I haven’t-”

“You’re so cruel to him.”

Dean launches towards him and Sam finds himself taking a step back. 

“Fuck you! He’s the spawn of Satan - me icing him out is nothing compared to the type of thing he is. ”

“He’s four days old. He doesn’t understand what he is, or why you hate him so much.”

“I told you why.”

“And I get it.” Sam resists the urge to fold his arms, trying to keep his posture relaxed. “You think that Mom and Cas are gone and you have no idea what to do.”

“I know what to do. I keep going. You’re the one who has no idea. You’re so sure of him. That you can get them back with his help - why?”

“Because I was wrong before.”

When Sam thinks back to Amelia, everything is clouded in this hyper-coloured film, almost as if he put a filter on things to make it seem less bleak.

“And you came back. And I had to stand there and look at you every days afterwards. Jesus, Dean you have no idea how much it hurt, or how much I punish myself over it. And I think that I get over it, that I’ve made my peace with it but I can’t. I’m still punishing myself. You want me to say that they’re dead but i can’t do that because all I think about is you in purgatory for a year thinking that I was gonna get you out.”

“They’re gone.”

“We can’t know that. Man, our lives don’t allow for that. Mom died and came back. Cas died and came back. What happens when I wake up…a year from now and one of them walk into the bunker? They’ll ask what I did to get them out and I’m going to shrug my shoulders and go ‘I don’t know, it wasn’t me’. You know what that means? I could’ve done something for a year instead of sitting on my ass.”

“I forgave you.”

“No, you didn’t. And that’s okay. The point is, if they’re still out there, I’m going to keep looking, like I should’ve for you because you can’t feel that. I can’t let you feel that feeling because it will drag you down and bottom you out like nothing you’ve ever felt before. I am learning from my mistakes. And you need to learn from yours.”

“What mistake, Sam-”

“I don’t think I can explain this properly.”

“Try.”

“You set this bar for people - which is fine, but if you fall short..." Sam shakes his head. “If you fall short it’s terrifying because you give voice to exactly what the person is thinking. I screwed up so many times and I got that. I needed it to get really bad for me to get it, but I did and I owned up to it. But you kept a running list of every mistake I’ve ever made and you brought it out when it suited you.”

“You think I’m going to let you fuck up and be quiet about it?” Dean whistles low. “You think I’m going to forget about your mistakes.”

“No, I know you’re not going to forget about mine, but I think you forget about your own. And that right there…I think you’re steering to far into dad’s lane,” Sam says quietly. “I’m not taking away your right to be angry. But I am begging you to be civil. His name is Jack. Not Satan’s spawn, the Devil in sheeps clothing, freak, abomination or any other creative title you want to call him. He is good until he proves himself otherwise.”

They’re at an impasse. Sam can see it. In the way that Dean stands, and the way that he sounds. Dean’s steadfast nature has always been something that Sam’s admired and respected. It was a facet of comfort - safe control that their father never managed to capture.

But now it’s tiring.

Dean paces the length of the room once before settling back onto the bed. The discussion will close, having reached the same conclusion as Sam. They’ll agree to disagree - vehemently in whatever way suits them. Sam knocks on the door frame twice, a signal of finality, and turns to leave when Dean clears his throat.

“He’ll turn on you.”

It’s a fact. In Dean’s mind, it’s a fact.

Sam shrugs because there’s nothing else left to do, and mutters, “And if he does, you won’t ever let me forget it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope it's okay :)


End file.
